Rach, we're running low on résumés.
Do you want a job with Popular Mechanics?
If you must work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
Look, you guys. I'm going for anything here.
I can't be a waitress anymore. I mean it.
I'm sick of the lousy tips. I'm sick of being called ''Excuse Me. ''
Rach, did you proofread these?
Why?
Nothing. I'm sure they'll be impressed with your ''compuper'' skills!
Oh, my God!
Do you think it's on all of them?
No, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few!
The One With the Poker
English Subtitles by GELULA & CO., INC.
Hey, guys.
Hi, ladies.
Can I get you anything?
-Did you bring the mail? -Lots of responses.
Really? Sure we have scones left!
Read them to me.
''Dear Miss Greene: Thank you for your inquiry. However. . . . ''
-We have apple cinnamon-- -''Dear Miss Greene'' . . . .
Your VISA bill is huge!
Give me that.
I can't believe you. Linda's great.
-Why won't you date her? -I don't know.
Is this still about her. . .
. . . ''The Flintstones could have really happened'' thing?
It's not just that.
It's just, I want someone who does something for me. . .
. . .who gets my heart pounding. . .
. . .who makes me. . . .
Little play things with yarn?
What?
Could you want her more?
Who?
Who? Dee, the sarcastic sister from What's Happening!
Who?
Look, I am totally, totally over her.
-I just-- -Coffee?
No, we're fine. We're fine.
Shut up!
We're not saying anything.
What?
Joey cried last night.
Thank you.
We were playing poker.
There was chocolate on the 3. It looked like an 8.
God, you should've seen him. ''Read them and weep! ''
And then he did.
Now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?
What is that? Some guy thing? Like some kind of sexist guy thing?
Like it's poker, so only guys can play?
Women are welcome to play.
Then what is it? Some kind of, like, some kind of, you know. . . .
All right, what is it?
There just aren't any women in our game.
We just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker.
Please! That is such a lame excuse. It's a typical guy response.
Do you know how to play?
No.
But you could teach us.
No.
Okay, so now we draw cards.
I wouldn't need any, because I have a straight.
-Oh, good for you! -Congratulations!
Pheebs, how many do you want?
I just need two. The 1 0 of spades and the 6 of clubs.
Pheebs, you can't do that.
I've got the 1 0 of spades. Here.
Thanks.
See, you can't do that.
I don't need them. I'm going for 4s.
Oh, you're. . . .
Here we go.
We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudités.
What are you doing?
This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable.
It's got to be like chips or dip or pretz--
At this point, the dealer--
We got it. Let's play for real. High stakes! Big bucks!
You sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks. . .
. . .because they didn't look happy.
But I'm ready. So just deal.
Everybody, last minute lesson! Joey. . . .
Three. . .
. . .eight!
Eight, three. All right!
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
I see. So then you were lying.
-About what? -About how good your cards were.
I was bluffing.
And what is ''bluffing''?
Is it not another word for lying?
Sorry to break up this party. . .
. . .but I've got résumés to fax before work tomorrow.
Rach, we've got to settle.
Settle what?
The Jamestown colony of Virginia.
You see, King George is giving us the land, so. . . .
The game, Rachel. You owe us money for the game.
Oh, right!
Guys, it's their first time. Why don't we forget about the money?
Hell, no! We'll pay.
Okay, Monica, I had another answer all ready.
And you know what?
-We want a rematch. -That's fine with me.
Could use the money.
So you get your ya-yas by taking money from your friends.
And I get my ya-yas from Ikea.
You have to put them together yourself, but they cost less.
Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win.
In order for me to win, others have to lose.
If you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be nice.
Because once those cards are dealt. . . .
I'm not a nice guy.
All right, boys. Let's eat.
Did you get that from the ''I Love Rachel'' pizzeria?
Are you still on that?
Come on. What was with that Black Bart speech?
''When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy'' !
You're way off, pal.
I don't think so. See, Ross, because I think you love her!
I might have had feelings for her at one time. Not anymore.
I just-- Marcel!
Where are you going with that disk?
You are not putting that on again.
If you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble.
You believe what a jerk Ross was being?
Yeah, I know.
He can get really competitive.
What?
''Hello, Kettle, this is Monica. You're black! ''
Please!
I am not as bad as Ross.
I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?
That was not an incident.
I was gesturing and the plate slipped out of my hand.
-I got an interview! -You're kidding! Where?
Saks Fifth Avenue!
It's like the mother ship is calling you home.
What's the job?
Assistant buyer!
I would be shopping. . .
. . .for a living!
That's Aunt Iris. This woman's been playing poker since she was 5.
You've got to listen to every word she says.
-Is Tony Randall dead? -I don't think so.
He may be now. I think I hit him with my car.
-My God! Really? -No, that's bluffing! Lesson one!
Let me tell you something.
Everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap!
-Nice earrings. -Thank you.
Girls, sit down!
Aunt Iris, this is Phoebe, and that's Rachel--
Listen, I am parked at a meter. Let's do it.
Ross, could we please, please, listen to anything else?
All right.
I'm gonna pay for that tonight.
Guys, guess what, guess what?
The fifth dentist caved, and now they all recommend Trident?
No, the interview!
She loved me. She absolutely loved me.
We talked for two and a half hours. We have the same taste in clothes.
And I went to camp with her cousin.
And the job is perfect! I can do this well!
That's great!
God! And she told the funniest story.
Great, you'll tell us and we'll laugh!
Let's play poker!
Listen, we talked about it. . .
. . .and if you don't want to play, we completely understand.
We can play some other game. Like. . .
. . .Pictionary?
Very funny.
We'd give poker another try. Shall we, ladies?
Yes, I think we should.
Rach, do you want me to shuffle those?
That's okay, I'm gonna give it a go.
So Pheebs owes 7.50. Monica, you owe $ 1 0.00.
And, Rachel, you owe 1 5 big ones!
Thanks for teaching us ''Crossed-eyed Mary. '' We gotta play that other way.
Here's my 7.50, but you should know that this money is cursed.
-What? -I cursed it!
So now bad things will happen to he who spends it.
I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway.
This way, I can break them up with a movie.
So that just leaves the big Greene poker machine, who owes 1 5.
It's so typical:
''I'm a man! I have a penis!
I have to win money to exert my power over women! ''
You know, this isn't over.
We will play you again. And we will win and you will lose.
And you will beg and we will laugh.
And we will take every last dime you have.
And you will hate yourselves forever!
Kind of stepped on my point there, Monica!
Wanna hand over your money now?
That way, we don't have to go through the formality of playing.
No, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh, monkey boy.
Are we done with the chit chat? Ready for serious poker?
You guys, look! The one-eyed Jack follows me wherever I go.
Right, okay. Serious poker.
Excuse me. Where are you going?
To the bathroom.
Do you wanna go to the bathroom or play poker?
I wanna go to the bathroom.
Well, I'm gonna order a pizza.
I'm waiting to hear from that job. The store closes at 9. You can eat then.
That's fine. I'll just have a Tic Tac to hold me over.
Cincinnati. No blinds. Everybody ante.
Yes!
Or no!
Your money's mine, Greene.
Your fly's open, Geller.
You know what I just realized?
''Joker'' is ''poker'' with a ''J'' !
Coincidence?
That's ''joincidence'' with a ''C'' !
Yeah, I'm out.
I'm in.
Me too.
What do you got?
You better hop out of the shower, because I got a flush.
Well, well, well!
Hop back in, bucko, because I got four 6s!
I got four 6s! I won! I actually won!
Oh, my God!
You know what? I'm gonna make a little Ross pile.
I think that one was Ross' . And I think that one was Ross' .
Well, I have got your money And you'll never see it
And your fly's still open
I made you look
-I'm in. -I couldn't be inner.
Monica, in or out?
I hate this game!
Okay, Joey, your bet.
I fold, like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach. . .
. . .by a fat guy with sores on his face.
I'm out.
I'm very in.
Couldn't be more out.
Me too.
I will see you and I'll raise you.
Do you wanna waste another buck?
No, not this time.
-What did you have? -I'm not telling.
Come on, show them.
-Get your hands out of there! -I've had dates like this.
Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you?
Your whole face is getting red.
Little veins popping out of your temple.
Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants.
-I'm not losing. Just deal the-- -You are definitely losing.
Rachel Greene.
Excuse me.
It's about the job!
Barbara, hi! How are you?
No, I understand.
Come on. No, I'm fine. Don't be silly.
But, you know, if anything else opens up, please--
Sorry, Rach.
You know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff.
Where were we?
Five card draw. Jacks are better.
Nothing wild, everybody ante.
Look, Rach, we don't have to do this.
Yes, we do.
-All right. Check. -Check.
I'm in for 50 cents.
-Call. -I'm in.
I see your 50 cents. . .
. . .and I raise you. . .
. . . $5.
I thought it was a 50-cent limit.
I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet $5.
Does anybody have a problem with that?
-Not at all. -No, no.
Loser?
No, I fold.
What do you mean, you ''fold''? What is this?
I thought that, ''Once the cards are dealt, I'm not a nice guy! ''
Were you just full of it?
I'm in.
-How many do you want? -One.
Dealer takes two.
-What do you bet? -I bet $2.
See your 2. . .
. . .and I raise you. . .
. . .20.
I see your 20. . .
. . .raise you 25.
See your 25. . .
. . .and, Monica, get my purse.
There's nothing in it.
Okay, then get me your purse.
Here you go. Good luck!
Thank you.
I saw your 25 and I raise you. . .
. . .seven.
--teen!
Joey, I'm a little shy.
That's okay, Ross. You can ask me.
-What do you need? -Fifteen.
-Here's 1 0. -I got 5.
-Thank you. -Good luck.
I am calling your 1 7.
What do you got?
Full house!
You got me.
-That's a tough hand to beat. -I thought we had them!
When you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards.
But look how happy she is.
-Airmail. -Airplane.
Airport. Airport '7 5!
Airport '7 7! Airport '79!
Time's up.
Bye Bye Birdie!
That's a bird?
That's a bird!
Okay, it's my turn.
Go!
Bean! Bean!
The Unbearable Lightness of Being!
That you get?